You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
