I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
