I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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