I'm so fucking centered right now
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
