it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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