I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
