After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
