I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
