I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
