i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
