The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
FUCK WHALES
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize