now i know why i became what i already was.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
