He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
