its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
not ubering you a puppy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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