he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
