Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Soap is not a condiment
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
