Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
