Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Text me some of your sweat
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