It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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