Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
