i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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