So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
