His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
