Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
