i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
