you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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