so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
