He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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