it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
