I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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