Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
