I don't think brook has ever known best
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
