So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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