Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
