Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
