So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
