Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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