oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
