I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
