i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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