She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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