pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
