Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is Oprah even human
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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