All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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