there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
