Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
