three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
