I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
