ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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