yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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