Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
