the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
