theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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