these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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