If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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