Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize