If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
