id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
