Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
