Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
