thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
