Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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