how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
