I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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