I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
