If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i believe in u and ur pee
We smell like vodka and hangover
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