I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
