I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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