After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Damn victory sex feels great
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
