he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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