if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
