Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
