one might say we're banned from that church
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am mentally ready for anal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
