There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
