She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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