I wish i was in the wii world.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
