turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
