If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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